Government climate report editor moves to ExxonMobil

Curtain opens. Cooney and one figure are sitting in a dark room at a little table. There are no windows, and a small oil lamp lights the room. Cigar smoke pervades the air.

Figure: So, it’s settled. You make the edits, and we’ll give you a big fat “executive office”: Good benefits, awesome pension plan, and a bankruptcy-free house in Florida.

Cooney (with wry smile): There’s one more thing …

Figure: Name it.

Cooney: I want a white 60’s Caddilac convertible with horns on the front, kinda like J. D. Hogg in ??The Dukes of Hazzard??.

Figure: Done. Eight gallons to the mile, free gas from any Exxon for life. Deal?

Cooney: Deal.

The two men shake. Cooney exits, the shadowy figure smiles and chews a while on the cigar.

Curtain closes.

There’s a reason I never became a playwright.

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