The template of the right

In the spirit of “Sadly, No!”: I bring you a “short piece”: by “Neal Boortz”:

bq. The anti-Bush media template didn’t end with his landslide victory over The Poodle in the 2004 presidential election last November.

*Crash* That must have been a thread of alternate reality slamming into this one. Bush 67% Poodle 43%? Was that it? Man, this fuzzy math is hard work. I’d rather milk horses.

bq. Today there’s a CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll out that shows a majority of Americans (57 percent) do not believe it was worth going to war in Iraq.

Shit happens once the truth emerges.

bq. See a pattern here in the coverage of all things related to the Bush administration? The mainstream media still has a few prime directives these days, including (but not limited to):

Covering their own asses. Asking for and getting favors from the government. (Special favors for JimJeffGannonGuckert.) Pretending to be “fair and balanced.”

bq. • The War in Iraq. All bad news must be brought front and center and must be the top story. If somebody in Baghdad stubs their toe, it must be breaking news. Anything bad is George Bush’s fault. All good news must be buried. Anything positive reported happening in Iraq must be followed by the phrase “but questions remain.”

If somebody in Baghdad stubs their toe against a bomb, that’s probably bad news. So is the lack of hardware, civil structure, government, etc. And given that George W. Bush authorized the war, er, military action, I think he shoulders a lot of responsibility for what goes on there. But what the hey, let’s scream LIBERAL BIAS everytime a death in Iraq is reported. We stay all warm and fuzzy that way.

bq. • The economy. No matter how robust the economy is, all good news must be suppressed. Stories about the trade deficit, number of uninsured in this country, budget deficit and unemployment must be played up. Any good news, or any previously bad news that has been revised to be good will be hidden away on the back page. Oh, and minorities are always hardest hit.

Even Bush has the concerns about the economy, as stated in his, er, “media event” last week. Of course, let’s blame those damn Saudis for high gas prices at the pump which is making our economy tank. And all those guvmnt edukamated ijits who spend their minimum wage earning on Marlboros for unemployment. Pay no attention to the oil baron behind the curtain.

bq. • Presidential appointments. Everyone George Bush appoints to anything is to be demonized and portrayed as a radical. Doesn’t matter if we’re talking about judges or ambassadors. …

10 out of 200+ = everybody. Damn, I tell you this fuzzy math is hard. Gotta be the skool.

bq. … The John Bolton hearings will look like a bike ride compared to the coming storm over Supreme Court nominees. Words and phrases like “radical right, far-right, right-wing and extremist” are to be used as much as possible. …

Especially when they are discussing radical right, far-right, right-wing and extremist people.

bq. … To the media, there is no such thing as a left-wing extremist.

Unless they are discussing left-wing extremists.

bq. Just in case you needed a quick rundown of the leftist media handbook, there you go.

Thank you, Neal, for the enlightening copy of the ??Leftist Media Handbook??. I have one question, though. Why is the subtitle called ??Karl Rove’s Guide to the New Doublespeak??. I’m afraid I don’t get it. Must be the guvmt ijicayshun.

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